"I do not think it means what you think it means."
Have you ever watched an elected official or someone seeking public office make a speech and realized that he or she is not speaking the same language that you or I would typically use? Everything he or she might say appears to be laced with highly euphemistic vocabulary that seems to have been cooked up by a crack team of spin doctors and psycholinguists. It almost seems impossible to understand what is really being said. For quite a while now I’ve been pondering what would be the best way to expose to public discourse the seemingly incomprehensible double-speak being stated, promised, and refuted by the political class here in America. I’ve concluded that the simplest and most effective way to achieve this would be a Politics to English Dictionary. I’ve been kicking around the idea of writing this dictionary for quite some time and decided today that I should start composing it right here on the libertoad blog site. After all this site is my own personal bully pulpit for my political and social views, so it seems fitting that it should serve as a place to draft such a work.
Disclaimer: Please note that the definitions in the Politics to English Dictionary are sure to be laced with the kind of sarcasm and cynicism that anyone who has read my blog should come to expect.
Politics: Infrastructure
English: Any one or group of pet government boondoggles lobbied heavily for by congresspersons, senators, and lobbying organizations. These are always subsidized by taxpayers and are usually considerably more expensive than necessary due to no-bid contracts and union influences. Most politicians will account for excessive government spending by saying that the money is going towards “infrastructure” which usually means it’s either being wasted at an alarming rate or is being used to line the pockets of campaign contributors. Money spent on infrastructure rarely contributes to the well being of the community at large.
Politics: Too Big to Fail
English: A corporation which is either a major campaign contributor or has significant ties to the Federal Government. This phrase is typically used to describe any company with strong government ties that has been mismanaged into bankruptcy. These companies often engage in risky and irresponsible business practices with the full knowledge that their government cronies will force the taxpayers to bear the financial burden of their failures. This allows the upper management of these companies to earn billions of dollars when the market is booming and not lose a dime when the market crashes. This also describes any company with a large unionized labor force which when faced with bankruptcy and layoffs gets a large sum of taxpayer money to bail out the company and appease the union lobby.
Politics: Overseas Contingency Operations/Exporting Democracy/Spreading Democracy/Making the World Safe for Democracy
English: Interventionist policing of every other country in the world. These military operations are usually spurned on at the behest of the United Nations security council. This body of intergovernmental bureaucrats perceives the U.S. military as their own global police force which is an attitude that is enthusiastically embraced by the hawkish Wilsonian progressives in Washington. Regardless of expense or constitutionality these operations are pursued with zeal by the executive branch of the U.S. government often coupled with paranoid rhetoric and nationalistic emotional appeals.
Politics: Economic Stimulus
English: Payoff. Economic stimulus is a term coined from Keynesian economic theory which states that if the government spends money and encourages spending in the private sector that a depressed economy can be revitalized. In reality economic stimulus is a means for politicians to pay back money from the taxpayer to their largest campaign contributors. For example, during the administration of G.W. Bush there was economic incentive for “faith based initiatives.” This was a payoff to the evangelical organizations who contributed to his election campaign. The same goes for President B.H. Obama who’s 800 billion dollar stimulus package went to ACORN, Organizing for America, and other organizations who supported his election campaign.
Politics: Incentives
English: Bribes payed to politicians by other politicians at the expense of the taxpayer. A perfect example of this was the $100 million worth of incentives offered by Sen. Harry Reid to Sen. Mary Landrieu to buy her support for his draft of the health care reform bill. Another example of this was the ‘sweeteners’ added to the TARP bill to give certain congressmen incentives to pass the bill despite the protests of their constituents.
Politics: Spending Cut
English: A reduction in projected spending increases. It’s not really a cut. A spending cut to a politician is not an actual reduction in current levels of government spending but rather a reduction in the projected increase. In other words a spending cut is merely a smaller increase in government spending.
It’s not much of a dictionary right now but I have to start somewhere. Stay tuned for more additions to the Politics to English dictionary where political euphemisms and spin will be handily deconstructed.